Employment ads on the internet were not to be trusted, Ted thought as he stood outside the strip mall. The sign that said White Collar wasn\u2019t what he expected for a tax office and the blacked out windows gave no indication what was going on inside. Looking at the ad on his phone, he wondered if he got the location wrong, but how many places in town would have that name. \u00a0Times were lean for a man with a MBA and he couldn\u2019t afford to be picky.<\/p>\n
It was after five, like the ad specified applicants arrive and inside there were people everywhere. It took a few minute for his eyes to adjust but when they did he thought he might have walked into the wrong doors. Music was playing loudly overhead and the flickering of the fluorescent lights matched its rhythm. Ere was one main stage and two side stage, both with people crowded around them waiving dollar bills.<\/p>\n
\u201cWelcome sir, can I help you?\u201d said a perky blond approaching Ted. She wore no shirt, only a well positioned pair of suspenders\u00a0 to hold her ample breasts in place and a pair of glasses on her nose for decoration only.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m here about the job.\u201d Ted tried to keep his eyes focused above her chin.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou want to work here?\u201d her disbelief was understandable, he was having trouble believing it himself.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m answering the ad.\u201d He held up his phone to show her and when she took it from him she let out a sigh.<\/p>\n
\u201cTopnotch tax men wanted.\u201d She read the top line outline. \u201cIt\u2019s supposed to be topless. That\u2019s what I get for placing the ad over the phone.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSo you\u2019re not looking for tax guys?\u201d Ted felt an odd sense of relief.<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, I want tax guys, but only ones willing to take off their clothes while itemizing deductions.\u201d<\/p>\n
There was no good response to that statement, so Ted just stood there with his mouth slightly open. The perky blond made a slow circle around him while he tried to recover from the shock of his situation. He felt her finger tips running across the width of his back along his shoulders and she let a low whistle.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou certainly have the right qualifications if you\u2019re still interested in the job.\u201d She said. \u201cWould you like a tour?\u201d<\/p>\n
Part of Ted wanted to sling on his man purse and leave with his dignity, but then another part of him wanted to pay rent that month and still be able to eat. When he saw all the money being tossed up on the stages he decided it might be worth a short tour. Glancing at the name tag she had fastened to one of her suspenders he said \u201cSure Pepper, show me around.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThat\u2019s Greg,\u201d she said, pointing to the short but brawny man on the main stage in a thong that looked like a neck tie. A group of enthusiastic old ladies were almost climbing over each other to stuff money into it. \u201cHis specialty is retirement accounts.\u201d<\/p>\n
The man reached out one leg to let a couple of women out money in the silk black socks he had pulled up to the knee. One old lady seemed to fall over and Ted saw her reaching for the medical alert bracelet but one of her friend helped her up.<\/p>\n
\u201cSusan is both a CPA and a retired gymnast. You should see the places she can hold ballpoint.\u201d Pepper pointed to the left side stage.<\/p>\n
The red head in a tight leotard was swiveling around in an office chair. She twisted like a pretzel to use the foot pump and move it up and down. Ted was sure that was against OSHEA regulations. Her adoring fans cheered when she tilted it backwards and rolled to the edge, allowing them a good view of her girls.<\/p>\n
\u201cNew meat?\u201d a young looking man in a thong stepped in their path.<\/p>\n
\u201cPossibly.\u201d Pepper gave Ted a wink. \u201cHow\u2019s the crowd today, Scotty?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNot too bad,\u201d he turned sideways so one of the ladies could swipe her card between his butt cheeks, giving it a playful slap while her payment processed. \u201cCould always use another send of buns.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAre you saying yours can\u2019t handle it?\u201d she giggled.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou know I can, but it would be nice to earn a little extra in the file room.\u201d He gave her a wink and then continued to move through the crowd.<\/p>\n
\u201cFile room?\u201d Ted asked before he could think better of it.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe private dance room. That\u2019s where the big money is.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow big?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAn audit with dancer is an easy two hundred bucks. Twice that if they want to file it in triplicate.\u201d She leaned in closer. \u201cThat\u2019s with two dancers.\u201d<\/p>\n
He knew there was no sex in the champagne room, but didn\u2019t know if that applied to the file room too. When they walked past he saw a guy gyrating for a woman who sat with her butt on a copier. Those were going to be interesting black and whites.<\/p>\n
\u201cFinally, we have the Auditor, our awesome DJ.\u201d Pepper waived at the man dressed in all black watching from the platform above the stage. \u201cHe knows how to play the best beats.\u201d<\/p>\n
Ted listened to the sounds of beeping and internet dial up that vibrated through the room. It was like a mixture of the worst office sounds he could think of. Periodically a voice could be heard telling someone to \u201cPlease hold.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHe\u2019s an artist.\u201d Ted said, sarcasm dripping from his words.<\/p>\n
That was the end of the tour and they were now standing near the back office. \u201cShould we go in there and discuss the details.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo one is allowed back there except me.\u201d Pepper said, giving him a suspicious look. \u201cNo one ever wants to go into the office. It\u2019s boring back there.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCome one. It might be nice to get a little alone time.\u201d Ted gave her his best seductive look, the one he learned from watching soaps as a kid.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy do you want to see the office?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI just think it would be quiet.\u201d<\/p>\n
She started to relax then suddenly she had a gun in her hand and was pointing it at him. He had no idea where she could have been hiding it with her skimpy outfit. He threw his hands up in defense.<\/p>\n
\u201cWho are you?\u201d she demanded. \u201cNo one ever wants to see the back office.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou got this all wrong.\u201d Ted said, watching her waiving the gun around. \u201cI\u2019m just a job applicant, here looking for a payday.\u201d<\/p>\n
That was the code word and federal agents burst in through the front doors. They all had their weapons drawn and quickly cleared the room of all the patrons. Pepper looked shocked, still holding her gun on him.<\/p>\n
\u201cI think you should give that to me,\u201d Ted extended his hand to her. \u201cWouldn\u2019t want them to get the wrong idea and shoot you.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo, no of course not.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAgent Rogers, we have secured the premises.\u201d Said one of the agents in the blue windbreakers.<\/p>\n
\u201cAgent? Are you with the FBI?\u201d Pepper\u2019s voice was broken and soft.<\/p>\n
\u201cThey wish.\u201d Ted pulled out his credentials. \u201cInternal Revenue Services. I hope you have all your receipts.\u201d<\/p>\n
Amanda is a KU graduate who got a BA in English lit and then went to Emporia for her\u00a0MLS. She reads and writes primarily historical romance novels. She has a dog that could fit in a lunch box and looks like an alien. Aside from books, her\u00a0favorite thing in the world is food, especially Chinese.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Employment ads on the internet were not to be trusted, Ted thought as he stood outside the strip mall. The sign that said White Collar wasn\u2019t what he expected for a tax office and the blacked out windows gave no indication what was going on inside. Looking at the ad on his phone, he wondered […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":25,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[133],"class_list":["post-9985","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","tag-business-of-the-afterlife"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9985","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/25"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=9985"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/9985\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=9985"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=9985"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=9985"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}