The sirens blared, and Frank could feel the strength draining out of his arms.\u00a0 \u201cUnbelievable,\u201d he muttered, setting the axe down next to the body of his former coworker.\u00a0 He tried to kick the severed arm back into place, hoping the officer wouldn\u2019t notice if he took no more than a passing glance at the scene.\u00a0 It wasn\u2019t working; the protruding thumb was preventing it from rolling. \u00a0With a scowl, he abandoned the attempt, instead trying to look as nonchalant as possible as the officer approached.<\/p>\n
\u201cHow can I help you today, officer?\u201d Frank said, trying to keep the panic out of his voice.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, it looks to me like we\u2019ve got a murder in progress,\u201d he said, pulling out a pencil and a pad of paper from his breast pocket.<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat?\u00a0 No\u2026\u201d Frank said, kicking the dirt with his boot.\u00a0 He tried to avert his gaze, lest the officer see the worry in his eyes.\u00a0 Even that proved too suspicious, however.<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, are you aware that the posted murder limit is third degree in this area?\u00a0 There are a lot of concealed ditches and vast patches of loose topsoil.\u00a0 This would be a high-frequency murdering area if we didn\u2019t keep it heavily patrolled.\u201d<\/p>\n
Frank feigned confusion, and then surprise.\u00a0 \u201cYou think I\u2026 oh, no, officer, this is just manslaughter!,\u201d he said, rubbing the back of his neck.\u00a0 \u201cI mean, I was just driving along,\u201d here he gestured back to his car for emphasis, \u201cwhen suddenly this guy\u2026 well, he came out of nowhere, you know?\u00a0 I mean, it\u2019s unfortunate, but these things happen.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAnd I suppose he just happened to fly fifteen feet sideways, perpendicular from the road, when you hit him?\u201d the officer asked, glancing down at the axe, and then back to Frank.<\/p>\n
\u201cI, okay, yes\u2026\u201d he said, shoving his hands into his pockets.\u00a0 A nervous rubbing of hands would prevent him from selling the lie, reasoned Frank.\u00a0 \u201cBut, officer, he was already dead when I dragged him over here.\u00a0 I figured I\u2019d cut the body down to a more manageable number of pieces.\u00a0 I mean\u2026 bodies are heavy.\u00a0 It\u2019s just\u2026 I figured it was the least I could do.\u00a0 I\u2019m trying to do my civic duty, here.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, it is never a good idea to disturb a crime scene,\u201d said the officer.\u00a0 \u201cI appreciate the idea, but the fine men and women of the Animal Control Unit have the proper tools and equipment to dispose of the body.\u00a0 Your axe is just not going to cut it.\u00a0 You\u2019ve just created unneeded suspicion against yourself.\u00a0 Now we\u2019re going to need to bring out a coroner to determine if the cause of death came from blunt impact, or from the axe wounds on his chest.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAah, come on,\u201d Frank said.\u00a0 \u201cThat was just when my hand slipped.\u00a0 It\u2019s\u2026 it\u2019s really hard to aim an axe, you know.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sure it is,\u201d the officer said, closing his notepad and slipping it back into place.\u00a0 \u201cAll the same, we\u2019re going to need to hold an investigation, here.\u00a0 So if I can just get your license and registration, then you can be on your way.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on, officer,\u201d Frank said.\u00a0 \u201cIt was just manslaughter.\u00a0 You really don\u2019t need to go through all of this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cLicense and registration, please,\u201d repeated the officer.<\/p>\n
\u201cOfficer, I\u2019m in a bit of a hurry, here,\u201d Frank said, handing over his driver\u2019s license.\u00a0 \u201cLook, I didn\u2019t do anything wrong here.\u00a0 Surely there must be something I can do to convince you of this?\u201d Frank asked.\u00a0 The officer\u2019s face remained unmoved.\u00a0 \u201cI\u2019m telling you, I didn\u2019t kill Alvin!\u201d he added.<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, did you just name the victim?\u201d asked the officer.\u00a0 He placed Frank\u2019s license into his pocket, and then began to pat down the corpse, looking for some form of identification.\u00a0 Frank winced, kicking himself for blurting out something so dumb.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, fine,\u201d Frank said, pulling a wallet out of his back pocket. \u00a0\u201cBut I only knew who he was because I took his wallet.\u00a0 But I\u2019m telling you, I only took it because he was already dead.\u00a0 If I was going to kill Alvin for\u2026\u201d he paused, biting his tongue.\u00a0 What was his problem today?<\/p>\n
\u201cSir, I recommend you exercise your right to remain silent,\u201d the officer said.\u00a0 \u201cRegardless, it doesn\u2019t matter why you scavenged that off of the body.\u00a0 Intent to claim other\u2019s property for your own makes this a second degree murder.\u00a0 We don\u2019t even need an official report to determine whether or not this was premeditated.\u00a0 Wait here while I go and do some paperwork.\u201d<\/p>\n
Frank groaned.\u00a0 Once the officer had retreated back to his patrol car, Frank lashed out in anger, kicking Alvin\u2019s corpse in frustration.\u00a0 He grimaced; blood from the\u00a0gashes seeped into his tennis shoe.\u00a0 Now his socks were wet and squishy, on top of everything else.\u00a0 Could this day get any worse?<\/p>\n
\u201cAlright, sir,\u201d the officer said, coming back over.\u00a0 \u201cHere\u2019s your license back.\u00a0 This is a citation for committing second degree murder in a third degree murder limit zone.\u00a0 That\u2019s a fine of ninety dollars.\u00a0 This part here is the court fee of sixty five dollars, and your court date is in three weeks.\u00a0 If you wish to plead guilty in advance, you can pay the full amount online, or mail in payment at this address listed here.\u00a0 Sign here to acknowledge that you understand.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah, yeah,\u201d Frank said, letting out an exasperated sigh as he signed off on the citation.<\/p>\n
\u201cThank you,\u201d the officer said, taking back his pen.\u00a0 \u201cThe pink copy\u2019s yours.\u00a0 We\u2019ll have Animal Control finish cleaning up the scene, so you\u2019re free to go.\u00a0 Now, you be sure and murder safely out there, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
Frank made no reply, fuming silently to himself as the officer drove away.\u00a0 Of all of the days for him to get caught, why did it have to be today?\u00a0 Another twenty minutes and he probably could\u2019ve gotten away with it.\u00a0 One hundred fifty five dollars.\u00a0 \u201cRidiculous,\u201d he yelled, kicking the front wheel of his car.\u00a0 Who has that kind of money lying around?\u00a0 As if no one else around here premeditates murder.\u00a0 Heck, once you hit the midnight rush hour, there\u2019s so many people ignoring the murder limit that\u00a0the police could never be able to write a citation for each offender.<\/p>\n
Frank buried his head into the steering wheel.\u00a0 \u201cWell, at least I didn\u2019t get a speeding ticket.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
The sirens blared, and Frank could feel the strength draining out of his arms.\u00a0 \u201cUnbelievable,\u201d he muttered, setting the axe down next to the body of his former coworker.\u00a0 He tried to kick the severed arm back into place, hoping the officer wouldn\u2019t notice if he took no more than a passing glance at the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":19,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[422],"class_list":["post-8871","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","tag-flash-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8871","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/19"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8871"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8871\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8871"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8871"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8871"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}