If you look through my journals for the past ten years or so, they will all say the same thing. February sucks, I\u2019m not writing a thing, I\u2019m not reading a thing, it\u2019s too cold to go outside, all I do is go to work and watch crap television and go to bed at an hour where all the other grownups are thinking about heading out to spend time with friends. Why can\u2019t humans hibernate, I wail, and would somebody please come wake me up when it\u2019s spring? This year was no different.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a terrible, empty feeling when I can\u2019t write. I\u2019ll look at a writing prompt: \u201cThe color blue.\u201d \u201cRomance is in the air.\u201d \u201cWhat is your favorite TV show and why?\u201d and not be able to write a single word. \u201cThe color blue\u2014 what does that even mean?\u201d<\/i><\/p>\n
Worst of all is not being able to read, nothing more complicated than Facebook updates and aggressively inoffensive lifestyle blogs. I\u2019ll pick out a book, something highly recommended, something I know I should<\/i> like, and midway through each paragraph I\u2019ll find myself staring at a blank patch of air in the middle distance, with no clue what I just read. Maybe, maybe,<\/i> if the book is an old favorite I\u2019ll be able to concentrate on it. \u201cReader\u201d is an integral part of my identity. I don\u2019t remember not knowing how to read, and not being able to hurts.<\/p>\n
I\u2019m not kidding about the hibernation, either. In February all I want to do is lie under a lasagna stack of blankets and cats and stare at the back of my eyelids, mind totally blank. I\u2019m not thinking. I\u2019m not meditating\u2014meditating would require me to do something. I\u2019m just switched off for a while. About the only thing that will get me out of bed is when I have to pee, or I have to turn off the clock radio because they\u2019re playing Garrison Keillor again.<\/p>\n
The thing is, I know there\u2019s something going on back there, deep in my subconscious. All my creative energy is going somewhere, working hard on something. I\u2019m just not allowed to see it yet.<\/p>\n
Then March peeks around the corner and things begin to get better. It\u2019s still light our for a bit when I get home from work. The season softens from Frostbite to Mud. Daylight Savings Time arrives and without changing a thing I\u2019m suddenly living an adult human schedule. I begin to read again, write again, outline and plan and plot and speak with my imaginary friends again.<\/p>\n
Things will get better. They always do. There are the faintest green shoots in fallow fields.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
If you look through my journals for the past ten years or so, they will all say the same thing. February sucks, I\u2019m not writing a thing, I\u2019m not reading a thing, it\u2019s too cold to go outside, all I do is go to work and watch crap television and go to bed at an […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8867","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-writers-life"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8867","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=8867"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/8867\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=8867"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=8867"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=8867"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}