Shaun\u00a0wasn’t\u00a0normally a guy who carried around a lot of hate in his heart, but after the day he was having, he found he had plenty of room for a little want-to-kick-his-ass.<\/p>\n
When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Shaun saw his brother\u2019s suitcase by the door. He took it as a good sign. Maybe Neil understood how serious this was.<\/p>\n
Shaun found the little prick sitting at the kitchen table. His kid brother, a twenty-four year old fuck up whose life ambition was to own a car wash, was fidgeting in his seat, but Shaun suspected it was an act. Neil had a general idea of what contrition should look like, but he lacked depth and sincerity, so he never quite pulled off seeming sorry about anything.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIs Elly mad?\u201d Neil asked.<\/span><\/p>\n It was a stupid question. \u201cIs she mad?\u201d Shaun repeated.<\/span><\/p>\n Neil\u00a0<\/span>didn’t\u00a0say anything, but the fidgeting stopped.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cShe\u2019s not mad,\u201d Shaun said. \u201cShe\u2019s furious. She thinks I should have you put down?\u201d<\/p>\n Neil had the balls to look offended. Shaun\u00a0<\/span>couldn’t\u00a0believe it.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cLike a dog?\u201d Neil asked.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cShe used the words \u2018mercy killing,\u2019\u201d Shaun said.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cDude, you wife\u2019s kind of an asshole,\u201d Neil said.<\/span><\/p>\n His brother had a point, but Shaun\u00a0<\/span>didn’t\u00a0think Neil should have said it. Not the way things stood. \u201cYou got our kids kicked out of school. She has the right to be a little pissed about it.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cStill . . .\u201d Neil said.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cStill nothing. You screwed me, Neil. I\u00a0<\/span>shouldn’t\u00a0be here. I\u2019m supposed to be on vacation getting it on with my wife in some skanky little hotel room.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Neil recoiled. \u201cAhh. Why would you say that to me? I don\u2019t want to hear that.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Shaun leaned across the table toward his brother. \u201cOh, you will hear it. You know what Elly calls it when we\u2019re . . . alone.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Neil closed his eyes and turned his head away.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cShe calls it Yum-Yum Time,\u201d Shaun said.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cOh, God,\u201d Neil said. He looked like he wanted to gag.<\/span><\/p>\n Shaun nodded, even though his brother refused to look at him. \u201cThat\u2019s right. Yum-Yum Time. Because the things we do to each other are delicious.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Neil began waving his hands in the air in front of him, like his revulsion had turned him into an epileptic. \u201cAll right, all right. You can stop now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t think so,\u201d Shaun said. \u201cI need you to understand just how badly you dicked me over.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cPun intended?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Little prick just\u00a0<\/span>couldn’t\u00a0help himself, Shaun thought. \u201cYou\u2019re not married, Neil. Odds are you never will be. So you can\u2019t possibly understand the oppressive celibacy that goes along with having kids.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Neil\u00a0<\/span>didn’t\u00a0respond, but at least he\u2019d opened his eyes again.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cDo you know what the scientific term is for a six-year-old son?\u201d Shaun asked.<\/span><\/p>\n His brother shook his head.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cCock block,\u201d Shaun said.<\/span><\/p>\n Neil\u2019s face had lost some of its color, and he looked like he\u2019d rather be anywhere else at the moment. \u201cThis is upsetting,\u201d he said.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhen you have kids, and Elly and I have two, it is a never ending nightmare of not getting laid. But that\u2019s even not the worst part.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhat\u2019s the worst part?\u201d Neil asked. He had the focus of a kid who was listening to a really spooky urban legend.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cHope,\u201d Shaun said.<\/span><\/p>\n Shaun saw the question on Neil\u2019s face, so he lowered his voice and continued. \u201cThere are times when you think God is going to smile on you. When it seems like your wife might be into a little of the slap and tickle, even though the sun\u2019s up and the kids are still awake. You allow yourself to believe it\u2019s going to happen, so you lock the door and make your move.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Neil looked like he was going to be sick.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThen bam!\u201d Shaun clapped his hands together, making a loud cracking sound that echoed off the walls. \u201cOne of those assholes is knocking on the door. They\u2019re hungry or they want a drink or they need help wiping their ass. Have you ever tried talking a woman into sex after wiping another human being\u2019s ass?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Neil shook his head.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cDon\u2019t waste your breath,\u201d Shaun said.<\/span><\/p>\n For the first time in a long time, Shaun felt he had his brother\u2019s attention. Granted Shaun had used a little of the shock and awe to horrify Neil into submission, but the outcome spoke for itself.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWhy don\u2019t you tell me what happened,\u201d Shaun said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Neil glanced at his brother and then down at his hands, and Shaun thought he saw a genuine hint of embarrassment in those eyes.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI thought it would be funny,\u201d Neil said.<\/span><\/p>\n That was the problem with Neil. He lived his life like he was on the set of a sitcom, and no amount of collateral damage would keep him from pursuing what he thought was a good joke.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAll you had to do was get them to school and then pick them up when it was over,\u201d Shaun said. \u201cWe\u00a0<\/span>didn’t\u00a0need you to improvise.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cIt was that damn vocabulary parade.\u201d He said it like it was the activity\u2019s fault. As if it had nothing to do with his own twisted need to poke people about their world views.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWe had their costumes ready to go,\u201d Shaun said.<\/span><\/p>\n Neil let out an exasperated snort and rolled his eyes. \u201cAnd they were lame.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n The old self-absorbed Neil was making a comeback, and his resurgence pissed Shaun off. \u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cThere\u2019s nothing lame about clock and ecosystem,\u201d Shaun said. \u201cThe boys picked those words, and they loved their costumes.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cWell they liked mine too,\u201d Neil said.<\/span><\/p>\n Shaun took a deep breath, trying to expel the need to choke the living shit out of his brother. \u201cYou sent Jeffrey to school in war paint and a headdress,\u201d Shaun said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Neil nodded. \u201cAnd a sign that said STEREOTYPE.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cAnd it was your idea for him to smoke the peace pipe too?\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cI thought it was a nice touch,\u201d Neil said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Shaun leaned back in his chair and placed his hand under his chin. A strange calm had fallen over him, and he wondered if this was what people felt moments before committing homicidal acts.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cJeffrey\u2019s teacher is part Cherokee,\u201d Shaun said.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Neil sighed. \u201cI know that now.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n Shaun waited to see if Neil had anything else to offer about the subject, but apparently he\u00a0<\/span>didn’t.<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cSo what about Lloyd?\u201d Shaun asked.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n “What about him?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou sent him to kindergarten dressed in black face.\u201d<\/p>\n Neil smiled, and he looked altogether too pleased with himself. \u201cHis word was racist.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWell now it\u2019s expelled,\u201d Shaun said.<\/p>\n Neil shrugged. \u201cWhat are you gonna do?\u201d<\/p>\n Probably ten to fifteen with time off for good behavior, Shaun thought.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Shaun\u00a0wasn’t\u00a0normally a guy who carried around a lot of hate in his heart, but after the day he was having, he found he had plenty of room for a little want-to-kick-his-ass. When he reached the bottom of the stairs, Shaun saw his brother\u2019s suitcase by the door. He took it as a good sign. Maybe […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":10,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[96,383,422],"class_list":["post-7820","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","tag-based-on-a-true-story","tag-family","tag-flash-fiction"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7820","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/10"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=7820"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7820\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=7820"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=7820"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=7820"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}