{"id":5612,"date":"2012-10-10T06:00:15","date_gmt":"2012-10-10T11:00:15","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/?p=5612"},"modified":"2012-10-10T06:00:15","modified_gmt":"2012-10-10T11:00:15","slug":"hidden-hangout-episode-3-8","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/?p=5612","title":{"rendered":"Hidden Hangout (Episode 3.8)"},"content":{"rendered":"

MAURICE: \u00a0\u00a0Hello, everyone! Welcome to another episode of Hidden Hangout<\/em>. As always, I\u2019m your host, Maurice the Closet Monster.<\/p>\n

(Theme music accompanied by awkward dancing around the set)<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve got a fantastic show lined up for you. In our cooking segment, we\u2019ll be showing you some great tips for saving money on your grocery bill by shopping from your neighbors\u2019 garden when they\u2019re not home.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ll be talking with treasure expert, Bruce the Pygmy Dragon. He\u2019ll be sharing his favorite brass polishing tips, as well as some advice on how to shop for the best deals on antiques at flea markets.<\/p>\n

And , yes, you\u2019ve probably already heard about it. We have Yanni in the house today!<\/p>\n

(Wild applause)<\/p>\n

It\u2019s all coming up later in the show, so there\u2019s lots of awesome stuff to stick around for. But first, we\u2019ve got a little segment we call \u201cThe Abandoned Casting Couch.\u201d We\u2019ve got some truly wonderful people here today who, for whatever reason, never made it very far on the page.<\/p>\n

So, put your hands together for my first guest, Princess Amberlyn of Mount Raven\u2019s Blood! Come on out, Amberlyn!<\/p>\n

(Polite applause while guest enters and Maurice kisses her cheek)<\/p>\n

You look absolutely gorgeous, Amberlyn. Thanks for coming.<\/p>\n

AMBERLYN: \u00a0Thanks for having me, Maurice. It\u2019s been years since I\u2019ve been anywhere.<\/p>\n

MAURICE:\u00a0 That\u2019s sad to hear. You used to rule a country, isn\u2019t that right?<\/p>\n

AMBERLYN: I suppose. I know I set off on a long journey to get there, but I\u2019m afraid I never arrived. Had a few adventures, but frankly, every time I got very far down the road, I found myself back at the beginning, starting over.<\/p>\n

MAURICE: \u00a0Sounds like you were caught in a time loop.<\/p>\n

AMBERLYN:\u00a0 Not really. It was more of a rewrite limbo.<\/p>\n

MAURICE:\u00a0 I\u2019m sure your story would have been very exciting. I\u2019m so sorry it didn\u2019t make it very far.<\/p>\n

AMBERLYN:\u00a0 It\u2019s okay. I saw the outline. There was some seriously awful crap coming my way. Ghosts, murdered babies, a broken heart. At least I never got that far with it.<\/p>\n

MAURICE:\u00a0 I like your attitude, Princess. Maybe you can share it with my next guest, The Hunter. Come on out The Hunter!<\/p>\n

(A smattering of applause)<\/p>\n

HUNTER: Hello.<\/p>\n

MAURICE: Hi, and welcome! Tell, me, Mr. The Hunter, you\u2019re originally from a fairy tale, correct?<\/p>\n

HUNTER:\u00a0 I guess.<\/p>\n

MAURICE: Not a man of many words, I see. Your story was actually told to the end, then fell into the editing cracks, right?<\/p>\n

HUNTER: Yes. We\u2019re on the wait list to move forward.<\/p>\n

MAURICE: Excellent! So you might still see the light of day. Tell me, Mr. The Hunter, did you end up rescuing Little Red the way you\u2019re supposed to?<\/p>\n

HUNTER:\u00a0 She was a slut, just like the rest who came before her. I thought she was my perfect angel, but she was flawed. She got what she deserved. Someday I\u2019ll find the right girl, and the Wolf will take the bait.<\/p>\n

MAURICE:\u00a0 I don\u2019t even know what to say to that.<\/p>\n

AMBERLYN: \u00a0You know, after all the rewrites I\u2019ve been through, I\u2019m a lot tougher than I used to be. Want me to kick his ass?<\/p>\n

MAURICE: Maybe we should move on to my final guest. Please put your hands together for Katie!<\/p>\n

(Hopeful applause as a young girl comes out, waving to the audience)<\/p>\n

KATIE: Hello. It\u2019s not my birthday, you know.<\/p>\n

MAURICE:\u00a0 No?<\/p>\n

KATIE:\u00a0 No. But they make me celebrate it anyway.<\/p>\n

MAURICE: So, is your story finished, Katie?<\/p>\n

KATIE: No. I\u2019m still in the spaceship with the aliens. Someday maybe I can go home to my village. I\u2019ve been stuck there on the cold, metal bed for, oh, about two years now.<\/p>\n

MAURICE: But you got a birthday party first.<\/p>\n

KATIE: Yes. It wasn\u2019t my birthday, though. I got my letter to go serve the Keepers for a year, so we had a birthday party. It was a sad party though. I think bad things are going to happen to me, so I\u2019m okay with my story staying unfinished.<\/p>\n

HUNTER: Your skin is so creamy, and your hair looks so soft. You\u2019re like\u2026an angel.<\/p>\n

AMBERLYN: Back away from the girl, asshole, or you\u2019ll be swallowing my sword.<\/p>\n

MAURICE: Aaaand, I think that\u2019s all the time we have. We\u2019ll be back in a moment with some viewer mail!<\/p>\n

(Applause and music)<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

MAURICE: \u00a0\u00a0Hello, everyone! Welcome to another episode of Hidden Hangout. As always, I\u2019m your host, Maurice the Closet Monster. (Theme music accompanied by awkward dancing around the set) We\u2019ve got a fantastic show lined up for you. In our cooking segment, we\u2019ll be showing you some great tips for saving money on your grocery bill […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":6,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[174,553],"class_list":["post-5612","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mechanics","tag-characters","tag-interview"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5612","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/6"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5612"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5612\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5612"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5612"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5612"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}