\u201c…I\u2019ve got nothing.\u201d I stare at the blank screen in front of me. Blinking cursor, taunting. I tangle my fingers in my hair, tempted to start pulling. \u201cTwo weeks past deadline, less than 24-hours to publication, and I\u2019ve got fuck-all for a story idea. This revenge assignment is a nightmare! It\u2019s like it\u2019s tailor-made to–\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDrive you crazy?\u201d I say, from across the desk.<\/p>\n
I release my hair and glare at my doppelganger. He\u2019s sitting comfortably across from me, grinning. \u201cSomething like that, yes,\u201d I say.<\/p>\n
\u201cThink it\u2019s intentional?\u201d<\/p>\n
That gets a laugh from me. \u201cWhat? The editors handed out this assignment just to spite me?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI do cause trouble. Always submitting late, always questioning the rules. I\u2019m a rabble-rouser and a delinquent. Maybe they\u2019re fed up with me.\u201d<\/p>\n
I push my chair back from the computer. \u201cLet me back up a minute. Give your ego a bit more room to swell.\u201d<\/p>\n
My reflection gives me the finger from across the desk. \u201cIt\u2019s not ego. I\u2019m right. The topic couldn\u2019t be more difficult for me. It\u2019s the perfect tool to drive me crazy And it\u2019s working, isn\u2019t it? I\u2019m seeing a perfect copy of myself sitting in the chair next to me. I\u2019m conversing with myself, out loud. And I haven\u2019t felt this frustrated about writing in quite a long time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI<\/em> haven\u2019t felt this frustrated in a long time. You <\/em>feel nothing.\u00a0 You<\/em> are just a fever dream. Stop confusing pronouns.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cStill, I…sorry! You<\/em> can\u2019t help wondering if the assignment is meant to flush you out.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cHow? Either I write the story, or I don\u2019t. It\u2019s not that big a deal, is it?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIf you write the story, are you being true to your principles? Revenge is antithetical to your person.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo what? It\u2019s just fiction. Shouldn\u2019t matter where my personal feelings lie.\u201d<\/p>\n My mirage points to the screen in front of me. \u201cSo why are you struggling so?\u201d<\/p>\n I pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to release tension. Trying to regain some semblance of sanity. \u201cI don\u2019t know,\u201d I whisper.<\/p>\n \u201cYes, you do.\u201d<\/p>\n I nod. I know myself quite well, it seems.\u00a0 \u201c I\u2019m scared. It feels like writing this story, dwelling on the concept of revenge, is…dangerous somehow. It\u2019s stupid, but that\u2019s how it feels. It\u2019s terrifying.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou find yourself tottering on the precipice. Peering into the darkness.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMelodramatic, but yes.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd if you don\u2019t write it? If you don\u2019t submit a story?\u201d<\/p>\n A sigh dribbles out of my lips. \u201cIt should mean nothing. But it feels like I\u2019d be admitting defeat. It feels like they win. Even though that means they\u2019re out to get me. Which they\u2019re not.\u201d I grind my teeth. \u201cI feel trapped.\u201d<\/p>\n Across the desk, I look smug. \u201cSo…?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo? If you have a solution, please tell me. Hiding ideas from myself is truly insane.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWrite this.\u201d<\/p>\n I raise an eyebrow. \u201cWrite…what? What\u2019s \u2018this?\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n My reflection waves his arms about judiciously. \u201cThis. You, talking to you. Struggling with the assignment. Avoiding the issue. Not writing about revenge.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWrite a revenge story about not <\/em>pursuing revenge? That\u2019s stupid. Besides, it\u2019s a bad idea to write about having trouble writing. It\u2019s in poor taste.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cFuck that! Who cares? Since when did those kinds of rules and guidelines ever inform your writing principles?\u201d<\/p>\n It\u2019s my turn to grin. \u201cNever. But what does writing this ridiculous, batshit-crazy banter with my imaginary self accomplish?\u201d<\/p>\n I just stare at myself, not providing an answer.<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d I say. \u201cNow<\/em> I\u2019m just me, talking to myself? Switching to a singular internal monologue all of the sudden?\u201d Still no response. \u201cAsshole.\u201d<\/p>\n What does<\/em> writing down this fever dream accomplish? It\u2019s not a tale of revenge, at least not exactly. The protagonist (and that\u2019s…me? How odd) isn\u2019t seeking it. The protagonist is actively avoiding the topic altogether!<\/p>\n But…this tale, it is about <\/em>revenge, at least tangentially. I\u2019m no expert in existentialism, but I appear to be trodding all over it right now. Just talking about revenge means I\u2019m addressing the topic at hand, right? And if this assignment is some nefarious, circuitous attempt by the editors to drive me out or drive me crazy with frustration (which it simply cannot<\/em> be, even I\u2019m <\/em>not that paranoid or egotistical), then by not<\/em> writing the story I\u2019ve been assigned, but still writing an effective story, am I–?<\/p>\n \u201cRevenge in absentia? Revenge via cowardice?\u201d<\/p>\n I shake my head. \u201cI don\u2019t know. It hurts too much to think about.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cSo, stop thinking. Start typing. Time\u2019s wasting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re an asshole.\u201d<\/p>\n I smile at myself. \u201cYes. You are.\u201d<\/p>\n <\/p>\n Disclaimer: This is PURE FICTION. I do not believe, in any way, shape, or form, that anyone at Confabulator Cafe is out to get me. On the contrary, I had a great time finally writing this story (although getting to that point was agony). I want to thank the Confabulator folks for challenging me, and getting me to write things I normally would never imagine or attempt. Also, I do NOT see doppelgangers of myself sitting across the desk. At least, not that you know of.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" \u201c…I\u2019ve got nothing.\u201d I stare at the blank screen in front of me. Blinking cursor, taunting. I tangle my fingers in my hair, tempted to start pulling. \u201cTwo weeks past deadline, less than 24-hours to publication, and I\u2019ve got fuck-all for a story idea. This revenge assignment is a nightmare! It\u2019s like it\u2019s tailor-made to–\u201d […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":9,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[422,936],"class_list":["post-5415","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","tag-flash-fiction","tag-revenge"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5415","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/9"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=5415"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/5415\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=5415"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=5415"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=5415"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}