Trying to find the right time to make the announcement felt impossible. Our last concert? What if it ruined the magic for the audience that night? It wouldn\u2019t be fair. Should we say something early so that anyone who\u2019d wanted to make it to one of our shows could try and scrape together a last minute ticket?<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But the show was already sold out and scalpers were already skyrocketing prices, if it was known this was going to be our last concert, we worried that more people would be likely to get taken advantage of.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And it\u2019s not like we\u2019d known in advance that we were for sure never going to perform again. It had always been a hypothetical one day with encroaching certainty that it would be this tour. But if we announced it, then we couldn\u2019t ever come back from it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
So we said nothing leading up to the show. We performed that night as if it were the last concert of our tour, not the last one of our lives. And if we cried a little bit more than usual? If we came back for encore after encore long after we usually would have stopped? Well, no one in the band faulted us. And we let the crowd believe it was because we wouldn\u2019t be performing for a while.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But things had to end and mom was there to remind us it was past our bedtime and shut the show down. We bid the audience a final, tearful goodbye. Our last farewell as Kate and Tate.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And then the world didn\u2019t hear from us again.<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
No, that\u2019s not right.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We weren\u2019t going to ghost our fans.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But summer break was almost over and there were reading assignments and back to school shopping and no time to even so much of think of a way to say goodbye.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Goodbyes are hard.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Especially when they aren\u2019t something you\u2019re wanting to give.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t want to go.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I didn\u2019t want my dream to end.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And so when the leaves started to turn and melancholy began to fill the air, we drafted an email and hit send before we could think better of it. Then mom hollered at us that we were going to be late and we were off, missing the quiet chime of a response.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Four weeks later, under the pretense of meeting up with our best friend, we met our makeup artist and costume designer one final time.
\u201cYou couldn\u2019t have chosen a closer show?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I leaned against the window of the car, staring out at the brittle brown of dead leaves and grass as we passed. \u201cNot really, no. Anything closer and mom would have found out about it, would have found a way to keep us from going.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It was weird, stepping into the role of Kate and Tate once more. At one point being Kate felt as natural as drawing in a breath and when I let it out I was back to Natalie. But that was\u2026 before. Before Tate stopped being Tate. If being Kate was weird for me, being Tate had to be weirder for my twin, but she\u2019d said that it wouldn\u2019t feel right to trade places for our final farewell.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The lights on set were glaringly bright, I\u2019d forgotten how bright they could be. I paused to blink a few times, trying to remember to keep the smile plastered to my lips even as the wig weighed me down. Grounded me. Othered me. Reminded me of who I no longer was.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHello Jenny,\u201d I greeted the host, letting her pull me in for quick air kisses. At my side, Tate woodenly accepted a hug. Tate was a hugger, but my sister wasn\u2019t, not anymore. We should have swapped places, I should have insisted. I didn\u2019t mind being a boy for a day.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cKate, I was so surprised when you reached out, wanting to be on the show. It\u2019s like you read my Christmas list.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I tossed the long blue hair of my wig over my shoulder as I laughed. \u201cBut were you on the naughty list this year, or the nice one?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, you\u2019re here aren\u2019t you? The nice list, obviously!\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
I wondered if she would think that after the show was over.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
We all sat down and I fell into the easy pattern of curling against my twin\u2019s side, my feet tucked up on the couch beside me.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo,\u201d she said after we were all settled, \u201cyou said you had an announcement you were wanting to make on air, do I get to break the news of your next album?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cCutting right to the chase, huh?\u201d I shifted awkwardly on the couch. \u201cIt\u2019s not an album announcement, I\u2019m afraid.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSpecial Christmas performance?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Tate bit her lip and shook her head. \u201cYou know how every time we come on stage we always say that Kate and Tate are Great?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, you are!\u201d Jenny cut in. \u201cI\u2019ve never had so many people clamoring for tickets to a live recording before.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the thing, though.\u201d I said. \u201cKate and Tate were Great.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Her smile faltered and she tilted her head slightly to the side, glancing over at the audience in what I could only assume was panic. \u201cI\u2019m not quite sure I understand.\u201d She forced out an awkward, stilted laugh as if she were sharing a joke with us. Except she wasn\u2019t, because if there was a joke at play it was one we weren\u2019t a part of.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cKate and Tate? We were great. It was an amazing journey, getting to embrace my dreams, getting to be a star. Getting to be great. Meeting so many amazing people.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut it was just a dream. I\u2019m not Tate.\u201d My sister said. \u201cMaybe for a while I let myself believe that was who I was, that Tate was who I could be if I just tried hard enough. That I could be the perfect son if I just gave up on everything that made my heart soar.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut it\u2019s exhausting to be someone you\u2019re not.\u201d I said.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jenny looked like a gasping fish, her mouth open and bobbing as she tried to come up with the right words, with any words.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMom wanted us to say we were quitting because of school,\u201d I turned to look out into the mirror still audience. \u201cTo say that middle school was hard and there wasn\u2019t time for music and performing now, but maybe some day we would be able to come back.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMaybe she was right, let you down gently, give you hope that we\u2019d be back. That maybe one day we would release a new album.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBut, you deserve better than that. Every single fan deserves better than that. Deserves better than a lie piled on top of a lie. Because here\u2019s the thing.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWe\u2019re not quitting because of school.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOr because we don\u2019t want to sing any longer.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOr because of whatever reason you\u2019re trying to come up with, convinced we\u2019ll actually be coming back to sing in a year or two.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s not going to happen.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cKate and Tate?\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey don\u2019t exist any longer.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThis is all so sudden,\u201d Jenny finally cut in, high pitched and breathy. Moments away from a panic attack. \u201cSo, if you\u2019re not Kate and Tate, who are you?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMae,\u201d I said, taking my sister\u2019s hand.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd Rae,\u201d she said.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
It wasn\u2019t quite right, not really. I wasn\u2019t just Mae and my sister wasn\u2019t just Rae. We were so much more than that. That part was private.
I reached up and slid off my blue wig and soft lavender curls spilled free, framing my face. Another wig. Beside me Rae pulled her wig off and a soft fall of rose gold spilled about her shoulders.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo you see, we can\u2019t go back.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Jenny did that awkward laugh again which was clearly an attempt to regain control of the show. \u201cSo, Kate and Tate were Great, but what are Mae and Rae?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSisters,\u201d I said at the same time Rae said, \u201cOurselves.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The audience screams deafened those answers though. As it turns out? Mae and Rae are Bae.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWell, there you have it,\u201d Jenny smiled. \u201cSo, when will Mae and Rae\u2019s first concert be?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThat\u2019s the thing,\u201d I said. \u201cMae and Rae\u2014\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201c\u2014don\u2019t sing,\u201d Rae finished for me. \u201cWe don\u2019t know what we\u2019ll do yet. But we have our whole lives ahead of us to figure it out.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSo, have you always known that you weren\u2019t going to tour any longer?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIn a way,\u201d I answered. \u201cWe\u2019re twelve, I don\u2019t think anyone expected us to last as long as we did. But it was this most recent tour that made us really come to terms with the idea that it would be our last.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cLying is hard,\u201d Rae said. \u201cNone of our friends back at school know who we are or what we got up to every summer.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cAnd at some point we were going to slip up and they were going to find out and then we would have to find a way to apologize.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDo you think they\u2019ll figure it out now that you\u2019re not performing any longer?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cMaybe. Hopefully not before Christmas, though.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cWhat\u2019s happening at Christmas?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThey\u2019re getting a present, the last song we recorded.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cYou\u2019re not releasing it for the world to hear?\u201d Jenny asked, disappointment barely concealed.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cDon\u2019t worry, we won\u2019t keep it from you forever. It\u2019s just\u2026 they deserve to be first, you know?\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cBecause we wrote it for them. An apology, an explanation.\u201d
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
A final farewell and a wish for the future, that no matter how many times we said goodbye, no matter how much we changed, the future was ahead of us all.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
And the future was bright.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Unknown.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Terrifying.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
But full of possibilities.
<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Above all? The future was ours.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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