The first time I saw X I was seated in one of three rows of folding chairs in a locker room huddle with my sweaty teammates listening to Martha Stewart describe how best to photograph cats along their migration route. Cats swirled around our chair legs, meowing and nudging my teammates shin guards to claim them as territory.<\/p>\n
\u201cThis<\/em> is what I\u2019ve got to work with?\u201d said a strange voice. A squeaky voice that sounded like a rusty hinge.<\/p>\n I looked down. On the dented metal folding chair beside me sat an olive green imp-thing about the size of a baboon with bat-like ears, pointy teeth, and luminous yellow eyes that looked way too big for its head. The imp had on a vest with no shirt underneath and pants that went to its knees and were a gray color that looked like they\u2019d been dipped in a combination lichen and cement mix.<\/p>\n \u201cBe quiet,\u201d I hissed, \u201cor Martha will have us killed.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019d be a bit more my speed,\u201d said the imp thing. Then he snapped his fingers and the tabby next to my feet burst into flames.<\/p>\n My stomach dropped as the cat yowled in terror. This can\u2019t happen, <\/em>I thought. Then I felt a cold drop hit my brain and my dream became lucid. The red locker doors became redder. The smell of fresh sweat and socks hit my nose and the agonized cries of the cat went straight to my nervous system. But could change it all now.<\/p>\n I stretched with my mind and the flames became impotent. Comical. The cat stopped yowling, twitched its tail in annoyance and began to lick the fire from its fur in an offended manner. I sat back in my chair and breathed relief.<\/p>\n \u201cYou aren\u2019t supposed to be able to do that!\u201d the imp hissed.<\/p>\n But then I looked up. Martha was cradling a bright pink Persian and staring daggers at me.<\/p>\n \u201cDo we have a problem?\u201d she asked.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019ll say we\u2019ve got a problem,\u201d said the imp. \u201cI got this <\/em>lady as my assigned subconscious. Not only can she lucid dream, but she\u2019s a total snooze fest. What a combination!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t like violence,\u201d I said. I had no idea why I felt as though I had to explain myself. But I\u2019m sensitive and I felt the judgement rolling off both Martha and the imp thing.<\/p>\n The imp chuckled ominously. My teammates shifted nervously in their chairs. Martha was scowling and her scowl was<\/p>\n \u201cWell, it\u2019s not about what you<\/em> like. It\u2019s about what He<\/em> likes.\u201d The imp gestured at the ceiling.<\/p>\n \u201cWho? God?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo, you bimbo. The Dream Master. And lately, He\u2019s<\/em> been liking horror.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat are you?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n \u201cExcuse me,\u201d Martha said darkly. \u201cIs my lesson interrupting your argument?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo ma\u2019am,\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m X the dream imp,\u201d said the dream imp. \u201cThat\u2019s what I am. And you can count on me to make your dream life more interesting. You can thank me later.\u201d He snapped his fingers again.<\/p>\n And I woke up.<\/p>\n I sat up in my bed and checked my bedside alarm clock. 6:13. It would ring in two minutes. I turned it off and switched on my bedside lamp. I felt strange, not elated like I usually felt after a lucid dream.<\/p>\n Everything in my bedroom looked alien to me. My oak dresser and cluttered bookshelf looked so strange. <\/em>It hadn\u2019t been the weirdest dream I\u2019d ever had, but it was one of those dreams that left a lingering emotional residue that would probably last all day.<\/p>\n I shook my head to clear it and listened for Marian. I didn\u2019t hear my 3 year old singing made up songs in her new big girl bed, so I figured I had time for a rare solo shower\u2014one where I didn\u2019t need to narrate why it was ok for me<\/em> to shave my <\/em>legs, but not for little girls. Mostly I loved my life as it was, but I really missed having a co-parent at shower time.<\/p>\n Quietly, I got out of bed and tiptoed toward the bathroom. I moved the rubber squirties out of the tub into the silicone bath toy basket, careful not to squeak any of them, then turned the shower to hot.<\/p>\n The water felt good pouring over my head and I ran my fingers through my practical bob cut. Then it struck me\u2014the emotional dream residue. That imp X got under my skin not only because of the violence, but because it had opinions<\/em> about my<\/em> subconscious. Only I\u2019d<\/em> dreamed the darn thing. I hated Meta dreams.<\/p>\n Oh well, It was only one dream. I turned off the shower and grabbed a towel, hoping I had time to start coffee before Marian woke up and wanted snuggles.<\/p>\n The next night I was getting a manicure from a three-toed sloth.<\/p>\n \u201cYou know,\u201d the sloth was saying, \u201cYour 401K portfolio is too conservative. You should consider more aggressive investments. They\u2019re relatively safe over the long haul, and much more lucrative.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cBooooooring!\u201d<\/p>\n X was back. I looked at the spa booth to my right, and yep. X had its feet in a pedicure bath and was getting a leg wrap from an antelope in a purple blouse.<\/p>\n \u201cHey,\u201d said the sloth, \u201cno one asked you.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cDarn skippy,\u201d I nodded to the sloth, and she nodded back.<\/p>\n \u201cThe Dream Master would skip right over this dream and onto the next. Like a flannel-clad, channel surfing grandpa. Lucky for you, I\u2019m<\/em> going to spice things up!\u201d<\/p>\n Nope,<\/em> I thought and stretched for the familiar drop of lucidity. It hit my brain right as X snapped its fingers. Then X started screaming.<\/p>\n \u201cNot me!\u201d X leaped into the air with a small piranha biting each of its big toes. \u201cGet \u2018em off, get \u2018em off!\u201d<\/p>\n X ran in circles around the red leather spa booth. The antelope pedicurist fell over backward in a panic, tipping over a cart of nail polish bottles that went rolling across the floor. X slipped on the nail polishes and fell on its back. It was like a Yosemite Sam cartoon.<\/p>\n \u201cHey! I don\u2019t want<\/em> violence! Even if it\u2019s you.\u201d I said. I started to stretch with my mind to get the fish off X\u2019s feet. But he glared at me and snapped his fingers.<\/p>\n I woke up. It was dark and I fumbled for my bedside clock. The red numbers said it was 3:18 am. Ugh.<\/em> What a weird recurring dream. I rolled over and tried to go back to sleep.<\/p>\n I woke up to Marian singing her little songs. Why was she up so early? <\/em>My head felt like it was full of sand. The recurring imp dream was really costing me sleep. I glanced at my bedside clock. It was 7:45! I\u2019d overslept. I must have turned off the alarm when I was fumbling for the clock last night.<\/p>\n I jumped up and headed straight for the shower, cringing. I knew Marian liked her morning snuggles, but if she\u2019d just stay distracted with her songs for a bit longer I could make up some lost time.<\/p>\n I turned the shower on and got in before it had even heated up. I started scrubbing as fast as I could. The water had just gotten hot when I heard the door open. Dangit!<\/em><\/p>\n \u201cMama?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?\u201d I kind of snapped at her from behind the shower curtain. I had to run a meeting that morning and all my prep time was evaporating.<\/p>\n \u201cCome snuggle me.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMommy\u2019s very late, baby. Please go potty and put your clothes on.\u201d<\/p>\n A reasonable request, but from the other side of the shower curtain, I heard Marian start to cry. Instead of turning off the water and going to her, I lathered as quickly as I could, determined to push through the morning\u2019s tasks.<\/p>\n \u201cI don\u2019t have time for your feelings this morning, Marian. I\u2019ll be out in just a minute and then we can get your clothes and go potty.\u201d<\/p>\n Marian sobbed harder and I rinsed soap off as fast as I could. This was going downhill fast.<\/p>\n When I opened the curtain moments later, I saw my curly-haired girl red faced and shaking in a little ball on the floor, a pool of urine soaking through her My Little Pony jammies.<\/p>\n \u201cMarian! The potty is right there! <\/em>Two feet away from you. I\u2019d just<\/em> told you to go. Honey, you know <\/em>better. Would it have been that hard <\/em>to just go<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n She started silent crying. The crying that\u2019s so hard that no sound comes out but the gulping for air between sobs.<\/p>\n I wrapped my newly cleaned self in my robe and collected my urine soaked child. I\u2019d need a new shower. She\u2019d<\/em> need a bath before preschool. The bathroom needed to be mopped. The morning\u2019s tasks stretched before me. Bathing, dressing, packing lunches, eating breakfast, preschool drop-off. I\u2019d never even make it to the meeting on time. Much less prepare for it.<\/p>\n Marian\u2019s sobbing had calmed to whimpers. She\u2019d need so many extra snuggles to make up for my corner-cutting this morning. That imp dream had<\/em> to stop.<\/p>\n The people with waffles for heads were a peaceful tribe who appreciated ritual and ceremony. I was helping them hang origami lanterns shaped like winged turtles between their corrugated steel huts. The wee lanterns connected the community and welcomed spring.<\/p>\n I was using a child\u2019s plastic step stool to reach a hut roof with my lantern strand when I heard a rusty hinge voice.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is soooooo boring.\u201d<\/p>\n X snapped its fingers and a razor wire fence appeared around the waffle heads\u2019 village. \u201cSee? Now it\u2019s an internment camp. Part of a government anti-carbohydrate initiative.\u201d<\/p>\n The waffle headed woman who had been helping me with my strand dropped to her knees and cried out. Confused waffle heads left their huts and rushed in muttering groups to inspect the new fence.<\/p>\n X snapped its fingers again. Suddenly, guards with normal heads in army uniforms appeared beyond the fence holding bayonets. I was taken aback. After a whole dream of waffle headed people, regular old heads looked bizarre to me.<\/p>\n A guard poked his bayoneted through the fence right into the shoulder of a waffle headed man wearing a white billowy armed shirt and orange bellbottoms. When the guard retracted the bayoneted, syrup oozed onto the white shirt and the waffle headed man crumpled to the ground.<\/p>\n \u201cMichael!\u201d The woman who had been helping me cried from the ground below me. She rushed to help him and I was left alone, standing on the stool by the huts with the imp snickering at my feet.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re really upping the ante tonight, aren\u2019t you X? Your Dream Master must not have been too impressed with your last fish foot dream, huh?\u201d<\/p>\n X stopped snickering and bristled. Literally. Actual spikes grew out of its back like a porcupine with mange. It snarled.<\/p>\n \u201cI guess I\u2019m right,\u201d I said.\u00a0 \u201cLook, can\u2019t you go haunt someone else\u2019s dreams? You and I are obviously not a good match for whatever it is you\u2019re trying to accomplish. Plus, I\u2019m a mom. I don\u2019t get to go pee<\/em> alone. I don\u2019t also need an intruder in my REM cycles.\u201d<\/p>\n I was feeling pretty cocky. I reached for the drop of lucidity and felt the refreshing splash hit my brain. Feeling powerful, I turned toward the macabre scene unfolding in my subconscious and tried to think of what to do. I was so consumed with planning how to head off the imp\u2019s latest shenanigans I almost missed what he said next.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019re stuck with me until you die and I get a better host,\u201d X snarled. \u201cA more interesting human who doesn\u2019t push back so much on all my good ideas. But until that day, I am going to bring it!<\/em> You don\u2019t like violence? Well He<\/em> does. And I\u2019m going to get his attention for sure<\/em> tonight. He gave me this!\u201d<\/p>\n The imp pulled a tiny spray bottle from his pants and squirted me in my left eye. I grabbed my head in pain and felt the icy clarity of lucid dreaming fade. X grinned at me.<\/p>\n \u201cI can do whatever I want now, and you can\u2019t change it. You have to sit back and watch me work.\u201d<\/p>\n Another finger snap and one of the guards scaled the razor wire fence and leaped down, catlike into the circle of concerned waffle heads that surrounded the wounded Michael.<\/p>\n The guard marched up to Michael, knelt beside him and took a big bite out of the lower left corner of Michael\u2019s waffle face. Then the guard turned toward me, chewing with full cheeks, trailing syrup shoestrings from the corners of his mouth. His eyes were crazed and turning a buttery yellow.<\/p>\n \u201cDelicious!\u201d the guard bellowed at me.<\/p>\n Michael held his bitten face and the crowd of waffle heads froze in horror. X fell over backwards, laughing.<\/p>\n I tried to summon another drop of lucidity to push back. But I couldn\u2019t get it to come this time. The dream was too strong, the horror of what happened was too overwhelming. I was powerless.<\/p>\n \u201cYou have to stop this!\u201d I said.<\/p>\n \u201cOh,\u201d said X. \u201cNow\u2019s when it gets really <\/em>good. The Dream Master is going to watch this <\/em>dream on repeat. For sure<\/em>!\u201d<\/p>\n X snapped its fingers again and the guard who\u2019d been eating Michael\u2019s face clutched his stomach. He dropped to his hands and knees and wretched on the ground. Once, twice\u2014five times. He rolled onto his back and began to shake. The other guards jumped the razor wire fence and pointed their bayonets at the crowd of waffle heads.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat have you done to him?\u201d they cried.<\/p>\n \u201cOur heads are delicious,\u201d said Michael\u2019s wife, \u201cbut they are poisonous!\u201d<\/p>\n The imp cackled again.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is the best part!\u201d said X.<\/p>\n One of the guards raised his hand to give the order to fire. No! <\/em>I willed another drop of lucidity to fall, but nothing came. The Dream Master\u2019s spray left me powerless.<\/p>\n \u201cStop!\u201d The guards turned to me. This was my chance. I had no special advantage this time. Only the internal logic of the dream and the tangled mess of story that X had woven through it. I ran toward the circle, waving my arms and yelling.<\/p>\n \u201cThis is why the government banned carbohydrates!\u201d I cried to the guards. \u201cDon\u2019t you see?\u201d The guards looked at me quizzically. \u201cThe waffle heads didn\u2019t want <\/em>to hurt anybody. But they can\u2019t help but be so delicious! Let them live in peace!\u201d<\/p>\n The lead guard brought his hand gently down. He glanced down at his newly dead coworker.<\/p>\n \u201cLet it be known, this<\/em> is why we must live peacefully with the breaded ones.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWhat?!\u201d X squawked.\u00a0 \u201cNo! Shoot them! That doesn\u2019t make any sense!\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOf course it doesn\u2019t,\u201d I whispered to X. \u201cIt\u2019s a dream, <\/em>silly.\u201d He snarled at me.<\/p>\n Michael rose to his feet with his wife\u2019s help.<\/p>\n \u201cPlease,\u201d he said, \u201clet us honor your comrade.\u201d<\/p>\n The dream sort of blinked then, the way dreams do sometimes. The guards and waffle heads stood together in a circle in the middle of the village around an open grave. The dead guard\u2019s body was covered lovingly in tiny origami turtles of many colors. Like flowers. The crowd swayed together singing Auld Lang Syne and paper confetti drifted through the air from an unseen source. The razor wire was gone.<\/p>\n \u201cWhat is this?\u201d X demanded.<\/p>\n \u201cI\u2019m not doing it. I can\u2019t lucid dream. But, if I had to guess\u2026I would say that since the waffle heads are a peaceful people who revere ceremony and ritual, a funeral would be a perfect way to bring peace between themselves and the guards. You\u2019ve got to pay attention to the rules of the dream you\u2019re in, X.\u201d<\/p>\n X scowled.<\/p>\n \u201cYou won\u2019t beat me.\u201d It said. \u201cI\u2019m going to edit<\/em> this dream. Present the \u2018director\u2019s cut\u2019 to the Dream Master. I\u2019ll cut it off when the guard dies, but before the other guards go all \u2018flower power.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cGood luck with that, pal.\u201d I said, folding my arms in satisfaction.<\/p>\n \u201cYou\u2019ll see. He\u2019ll LOVE<\/em> it. Then I\u2019ll get even more power to do stuff in your dreams.\u201d X snapped its fingers and I woke up. 4:30 AM. An hour and a half before my alarm would go off. I sighed and got up for a shower.<\/p>\n I\u2019d had two nights of horrible sleep. But this morning I\u2019d had six cups of coffee and time to take a shower, pack things\u2014lunches, backpack, laptop bag\u2014prepare Marian\u2019s breakfast, and lay out clothing choices for her. I was raring to go.<\/p>\n I was stirring my seventh cup of coffee when I hear Marian call for snuggles. I still felt sad about the dream. The waffle heads\u2019 pain and fear, the monstrosity of the guard, and then the horror of his death. I went to hug my baby right away.<\/p>\n Marian sat up in her purple covers as soon as I walked through her door and held her arms out to me.<\/p>\n \u201cMama? Snuggles?\u201d<\/p>\n I sat down on her big girl bed, trying not to feel embarrassed as the metal frame creaked under my weight (It\u2019s meant for a toddler, not an adult) and wrapped my arms around Marian. I kissed her forehead and brushed a dark brown ringlet from her eyes.<\/p>\n \u201cHey baby. I saw your paintings you brought home from school.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYeah?\u201d She asked she wrapped her arms around my neck and the sweet, warm bread smell of her calmed some of my lingering unease from the dream.<\/p>\n \u201cYeah, I noticed that you started putting flowers outside the houses you draw.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cUh huh. I like flowers because I can use the purple paints a bunch more.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cTrue.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMama? You always notice stuff I do.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh? You like that?\u201d<\/p>\n In response, she kissed my hand. Then she hopped happily down from her bed and padded off for the potty. I sat back for a moment, letting my head sink into the My Little Pony pillow with the purple unicorn. Twilight Sparkle is her name. Princess Twilight Sparkle. <\/em><\/p>\n Marian liked it when I noticed and remembered. I thought about how she blossomed under my attention. When I didn\u2019t snuggle, she couldn\u2019t feel right. And X did worse and worse things as the Dream Master failed to notice and be entertained by its morbid additions to my dreams. X spoke with such reverence of the Dream Master. Like a god. Or a father.<\/p>\n I closed my eyes, grateful to the coffee that wouldn\u2019t let me drift off to sleep. And grateful to my daughter who had given me an idea. Maybe I wouldn\u2019t need seven cups of coffee every morning.<\/p>\n The next night I dreamt that kudzu vines had made their way to my hometown of Bemidji Minnesota and were slowly taking over. I was in a locally-owned donut shop with Clark Kent (not Superman) discussing how best to repel this invasive species and restore balance to the ecosystem.<\/p>\n Suddenly I knew we weren\u2019t alone. X dropped into the booth beside me and sighed. Its eyes were downcast and it had its arms folded across its chest.<\/p>\n \u201cKudzu vines? You call that<\/em> an invasive species?\u201d<\/p>\n It snapped its fingers and dozens of velociraptors and T-rexes appeared along the street outside. Pedestrians screamed. Cars honked and squealed their tires to get away. Dinosaurs roared and stomped off in pursuit of Minnesotans for dinner. X only sighed and picked a sprinkle off my donut. It didn\u2019t even look up to see the chaos it had created.<\/p>\n \u201cExcuse me,\u201d said Clark Kent, standing and opening his shirt to reveal the Nabisco logo printed across an undershirt. \u201cBemidji needs me.\u201d And he was off through the front door.<\/p>\n \u201cI notice you made a lot of dinosaurs. Can you tell me about them?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cWho cares? You\u2019ll probably just make them vegetarians and they\u2019ll eat all the kudzu and then have a party with all the people in town.\u201d<\/p>\n I sat back and stared at X. That was a great<\/em> idea. X was learning from watching me.<\/p>\n \u201cSo you don\u2019t have that spray?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNo. He took it back.\u201d<\/p>\n I grinned and started to stretch for the drop of lucidity and do just as X had suggested, but I stopped. The goal wasn\u2019t to salvage this one<\/em> dream. The goal was to get X on my side. I had to live with the imp the rest of my sleeping life and I couldn\u2019t have it wrecking my subconscious. \u00a0X made this mess and X needed to clean it up.<\/p>\n I really wanted to make the dinosaurs vegetarian, though. Out of the corner of my eye I saw a spinosaurus bite a man in half. I shuddered. It\u2019s only a dream. Think long-term. <\/em><\/p>\n \u201cThe Dream Master,\u201d I said. \u201cWhat did he think of the dream you edited together for him?\u201d<\/p>\n X said nothing but it shoved my whole donut into its mouth and chewed purposefully without making eye contact. The Dream Master must not have cared for it.<\/p>\n \u201cWell,\u201d I said. \u201cYou already know I didn\u2019t like the violence. But I was thinking and I decided that the idea of an internment camp for carbohydrates was interesting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOh?\u201d X said through mouthfuls of donut, still not looking up.<\/p>\n \u201cYes. You\u2019re right. My dreams are<\/em> a little boring. You gave my waffle people a bit of a storyline, I think.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cI did, didn\u2019t I?\u201d X said. A little smile crept onto its face revealing a snaggly tooth.<\/p>\n \u201cYes. There\u2019s a whole genre about systemic oppression called dystopian fiction. You might be interested.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cMaybe.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cNow, I see a problem with this dream. These are just violent, scary dinosaurs killing for no reason.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cThat\u2019s a problem?\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYes. It\u2019s boring. There\u2019s no plot. It\u2019s not interesting.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s just really awesome.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOr disgusting,\u201d I said. X stuck its tongue out at me. \u201cBut if the dinosaurs had a story to go with them\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou might be interested?\u201d X asked. \u201cAnd you might want to watch what I make?\u201d I noticed his ears twitch ever so slightly up.<\/p>\n \u201cI surely might. As I told you, I see you can do some interesting things with that imagination of yours.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cOk,\u201d X said. \u201cThese dinosaurs on the street aren\u2019t our real<\/em> problem. These guys are just hired muscle. Street enforcers. Clark Kent went off to fight or real problem\u2014a big boss T-Rex who wants to rule Bemidji. But Clark is trapped now\u2026soaking in a Kryptonite marinade to be served to the T-Rex later this evening.\u201d<\/p>\n I smiled, noticing that X had said our<\/em> problem. As though he and I were somehow on the same side now. I felt warm inside, in spite of the dinosaurs devouring some policemen outside the donut shop window.<\/p>\n \u201cWe have to save Clark.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cAnd stop the T-Rex,\u201d said X.<\/p>\n \u201cThat does<\/em> make for an interesting dream,\u201d I said. \u201cViolent, yes. But interesting. I can\u2019t wait to find out what happens.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt\u2019s gonna be great,\u201d X said, smiling. \u201cYou\u2019ll see.\u201d X reached for my hand. When I grabbed its hand back and let it drag me out into the dinosaur infested melee I noticed how much it felt like holding the hand of an enthusiastic preschooler. Excited to delight me with the things it made, hungering to be noticed, and willing to follow my lead if I would only pay attention.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The first time I saw X I was seated in one of three rows of folding chairs in a locker room huddle with my sweaty teammates listening to Martha Stewart describe how best to photograph cats along their migration route. Cats swirled around our chair legs, meowing and nudging my teammates shin guards to claim […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":22,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[2],"tags":[315],"class_list":["post-11028","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-fiction","tag-dreams-and-nightmares"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11028","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/22"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=11028"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/11028\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=11028"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=11028"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.confabulatorcafe.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=11028"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}