The Confabulator Cafe

Category: Mechanics

  • Boring But Necessary: My Nonfiction Life

    I’ve already got a whole lot of nonfiction in my life, but none of it’s the fun kind.

    I am a freelance technical writer by trade, and depending on whether I’m in the feast or famine portion of my employment cycle, I spend large portions of my days working on behalf of companies that build cell phone towers. It involves a lot of research and letter writing and watching the calendar to see if anyone has gone beyond their FCC-mandated response times.

    Roughly 90 days after I’ve been assigned a project, I get to cobble together a report that either says “Go for it. No one cares if you build it there” or “Run, don’t walk, from this location. Do it! Do it now!”

    Whoever coined the phrase “thrill a minute” obviously had this very specific profession in mind.

    (more…)

  • An Assembly of Greys

    Sometimes, I wonder if there is such a thing as non-fiction.

    A professor of creative writing at Iowa State used to tell the story of a non-fiction class she taught. She had a student whose insane life kept her captivated throughout the semester. He was the son of a single mother and a man who had worked for the mafia in Chicago. His father had disgraced the family and spent a majority of his son’s childhood in prison. The subsequent shame haunted him and his writing detailed the life of a young man trying to climb out of his father’s dark shadows. His stories haunted the professor.

    A couple of semesters later, the student’s girlfriend enrolled in the class. The professor pulled her aside one day and asked how the student was doing. The girlfriend was confused and informed the professor that his dad was a farmer and his parents were still married. Later, going over the former student’s writing, she found an essay he had written at the end of the class. It said “true or not, all stories come out fiction in the end.” (more…)

  • Keeping It Real (week of 27 January 2013)

    If you’ve been around the Cafe, you know that we like to tell stories. Here’s a bit from the Wikipedia entry on ‘confabulation’:

    Confabulation is considered “honest lying,” but is distinct from lying because there is typically no intent to deceive and the individual is unaware that their information is false.

    So you can see we stretched it a bit, by definition. The Cafe is not any of the regulars’ primary job, though. All of us have square jobs we work at that pay the bills. Some of us work in various fields where we write for a living, but the work is such that the truth must be told accurately and within certain (sometimes frustrating) parameters.

    Our special this week is to challenge the regulars to tell you what sort of non-fiction each would write if given the chance. The answers may surprise you given what we write in terms of fiction. Don’t expect a confessional, but you may be enlightened as to what interests us outside of what you may already know. Or think you know. There’s no ‘honest lying’ here this week.

    Your table’s ready. Cocoa, tea, and coffee on request as long as you serve yourself.

  • Everything In Its Place

    Full name and designation, please.
    Former Civil Security Special Agent Benjamin Delaney Hardin, ID 90581.

    How has civilian life been treating you, Benjamin?
    I imagine it would be a lot nicer outside a cell, but beggars can’t be choosers, can they? Not when my other options are death or — ah, a rather forceful debriefing. I’ve had enough force since the incident. Thanks.

    Have the guards been unkind?
    Not all force is violent, darling. It’s nice seeing you again — is this our third visit, or our fourth? Are you still enjoying that shiny new promotion? Is there going to be version five in your future?

    We’re not here to talk about me, Benjamin. We’re here to talk about you.
    Of course we are. What does the government want to know now? Everything about my life is in those files — I’ve been nothing but forthcoming since I registered for IHA citizenship.

    (more…)

  • Jimmy Cavanaugh

    The following is a translated transcript of The Overnight Show originating from the Buntoohn Room on level 343 of Kunwaq Station.  Content is approved for dissemination by Conclave Order BX/J5873.

     

    GIXO: Welcome back, gentlebeings. Our first guest tonight is a Peregrinator, one of those who can move easily between the ‘branes as well as across them. He’s older than everyone on our crew here — combined — and he’s been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. If you’ve heard of him, and not many have, you may have been at a very exclusive party where his food was featured. A magnificent chef, a tastemaker, and popular with ladies of every species, please welcome Jimmy Cavanaugh!

    (Applause. Cavanaugh comes onstage, is greeted by Gixo and both sit facing one another.)

    GIXO: Glad you could come by, Jimmy.

    CAVANAUGH: Thank you for inviting me. It’s nice to be here.

    GIXO: You have a book coming out, don’t you? We should get that out of the way.

    CAVANAUGH: Well — no, actually — I don’t. I’m not sure where you got that from. (more…)

  • Hero of Light

    This week at Hero Hypertext, we’re having a live chat with veteran superhero Candela, and discussing her new book, Learning to Fly: a memoir, which comes out next week.

    Candela from Learning to FlyHero Hypertext: As they say on television, our guest needs no introduction. Everyone in New Chicago is familiar with her. She’s saved the city more times than anyone can count. Candela, welcome to Hero Hypertext.

    Candela: Thank you so much, Gary. I’m glad to be here. I’ve been reading your blog for years. You have a great site.

    HH: That’s nice of you to say. I’ll be sure to sign the check for your endorsement before you leave. 🙂

    C: Seriously. You’re doing great things for the caped  community.

    HH: So, let’s jump right into it. You’re retiring at the end of the month, is that correct?

    (more…)

  • Hidden Hangout (Episode 3.8)

    MAURICE:   Hello, everyone! Welcome to another episode of Hidden Hangout. As always, I’m your host, Maurice the Closet Monster.

    (Theme music accompanied by awkward dancing around the set)

    We’ve got a fantastic show lined up for you. In our cooking segment, we’ll be showing you some great tips for saving money on your grocery bill by shopping from your neighbors’ garden when they’re not home.

    We’ll be talking with treasure expert, Bruce the Pygmy Dragon. He’ll be sharing his favorite brass polishing tips, as well as some advice on how to shop for the best deals on antiques at flea markets.

    And , yes, you’ve probably already heard about it. We have Yanni in the house today! (more…)

  • Jemma Behker Shares All (Or So We Hope)

    Good morning ladies and gentlemen! Usually right now I would be blathering on about some writing topic or entertaining you with a story I spewed out after a few glasses of wine. But today I have something different, something special. I’ve managed to secure an interview with Jemma Behker. You may remember her from my 2011 NaNo novel. She’s a lovely young lady from the Kingdom of Callador and… well, why don’t we cut straight to the interview?

    Good morning, Jemma.

    Jemma: It’s the middle of the night.

    Technically, yes, but…

    J: I’m not stupid. It’s the middle of the night.

    Right, right. Good evening then. Why don’t you tell me a bit about yourself? (more…)

  • Chat with Shane from Monsters of Lawrence

    Sara E. Lundberg: Hello Shane, welcome to the Confabulator Cafe. So glad you could join us here today.

    Shane: Yeah, awesome, thanks for having me. Love this place. Any café, really. I’m a barista.

    SEL: Excellent, I hope that makes you feel right at home.

    Shane: Totally.

    SEL: So, you are one of the supporting characters for the up and coming Monsters of Lawrence novel. Tell me a little bit about yourself.

    Shane: When you say supporting character, what exactly does that mean? (more…)

  • Failed Conversion

    (Broadcast transcript provided by Station URHI, Holy Roller Radio. Creators of the forthcoming documentary Glock and Awe: God’s plan for you and your guns.)

    HOST:    Happy Monday, people! And thank you for tuning in to this week’s edition of The Wooly Pulpit, America’s premier destination for hairy men of God and the nation who loves them. 

    As always, I am your host, Cubby Carlson, and boy, do we have a great show for you tonight.

    Joining us in studio, New Argo’s newest Bible Bear, the reverend Mike Mackey. He’ll talk about becoming ordained, forming his own church, and if there’s anyone special in his life, aside from the Big Guy, I mean.

    (Laughs) 

    But before we get to the good stuff, and let me tell you people, from where I’m sitting, it is Very. Good. Stuff. Here’s a quick word from our sponsors. (more…)