Jimmy Cavanaugh

The following is a translated transcript of The Overnight Show originating from the Buntoohn Room on level 343 of Kunwaq Station.  Content is approved for dissemination by Conclave Order BX/J5873.

 

GIXO: Welcome back, gentlebeings. Our first guest tonight is a Peregrinator, one of those who can move easily between the ‘branes as well as across them. He’s older than everyone on our crew here — combined — and he’s been a lot of places and seen a lot of things. If you’ve heard of him, and not many have, you may have been at a very exclusive party where his food was featured. A magnificent chef, a tastemaker, and popular with ladies of every species, please welcome Jimmy Cavanaugh!

(Applause. Cavanaugh comes onstage, is greeted by Gixo and both sit facing one another.)

GIXO: Glad you could come by, Jimmy.

CAVANAUGH: Thank you for inviting me. It’s nice to be here.

GIXO: You have a book coming out, don’t you? We should get that out of the way.

CAVANAUGH: Well — no, actually — I don’t. I’m not sure where you got that from.

GIXO (chuckles): I can see it’s going to be one of those interviews. (Audience laughs. Host tosses his cards over his shoulder and a sound effect plays — a crashing starship. More laughter.) All right. All right, if you were going to write a book, would it be about all the personalities you’ve cooked for? Or would you write more of a travelogue?

CAVANAUGH: Gixo, I — I really don’t have any desire whatsoever to write anything. My recipes are mine and anyone who tried to duplicate them — and there’ve been a few here and there — just wouldn’t be successful.

GIXO: Why?

CAVANAUGH: (winks) It’s a secret.

GIXO: (leans forward) So you use a secret ingredient? Or a special tool or technique?

CAVANAUGH: No, no, no. Nothing like that. (Waits) Well, not really. (Smiles)

GIXO: All right, all right. (Sits back and strokes chin) So talk about being a Peregrinator. It’s accepted science that there are twelve dimensions and possibly more. What’s it like to be able to move across the membranes of the universe with ease?

CAVANAUGH: I can’t really explain the process. It’s just something that happens, and most times I can control where I want to go, but there are times when I’m not sure where I’ll end up. It’s kind of a crapshoot, really.

GIXO: Crapshoot?

CAVANAUGH: Sorry. (Smiles) An old reference to a game of dice from home. It just means random.

GIXO: Ah, I see. So, have you, in fact, been in all the dimensions?

CAVANAUGH: No, not all. Most.

GIXO: Do you gamble?

CAVANAUGH: Only with close friends who can afford to lose the money. (Laughter)

GIXO: I see, I see. Care to share any stories about any of them? For instance something about your time in the dimension of dreams?

CAVANAUGH: (agape) Uh….

GIXO: Ferrewl got your tongue?

CAVANAUGH: Nooooo…. I’m just not sure — you seem to have an awful lot of information. You’ve done quite a lot of digging, haven’t you?

GIXO: It’s my staff. They are very good at their jobs. (To audience) And they’d better be. I pay them enough! (Laughter)

CAVANAUGH: It’s true that I cooked for a king of dreams, once. But only the once. I — uh — I just did the one meal and moved on. I found it difficult to live up to the expectations of the household.

GIXO: (nods, looks serious) So we visit the dimension in our sleep — those gentlebeings who do, indeed, dream — and I’m wondering if the place was quite like it appears in our dreams? I mean, is the architecture crazy? Are strange combinations readily apparent? What was the food like? (Scattered applause)

CAVANAUGH: I can tell you that the house I cooked in, populated by the king and some of his family at a very serious lunch meeting, was remarkable, and I did some very challenging dishes that were well-received. (Shifts in his chair) Look, I’m not very comfortable talking about that kind of stuff.

GIXO: (concerned) Then why did you come on the show? It’s no secret that the Overnight Show — sponsored by Security Styles, where a gentlebeing can be transformed almost overnight — is the most popular show in the galaxy. You’re a notable figure, it made sense to invite you.

CAVANAUGH: I thought I’d be doing a “Who’s in the kitchen with Dinah?”–type segment. Not really sitting down for a chat.

GIXO: Well, who’d like to see Chef Jimmy cook for us? (Applause. Cavanaugh seems to relax and Gixo reaches over to grab Cavanaugh’s forearm with one of his tentacles) Are you still willing? I mean we don’t have to talk about the documentary unless you want to, that is.

CAVANAUGH: What documentary?

GIXO: We’ll be right back after a word from our sponsor. Stay with us, gentlebeings!

(Black.)

Jason Arnett is a storyteller living in Kansas and writing in the plains of the fantastic. Some of his work can be found at www.jasonarnett.com

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